It Was Just Amazing!

It has been 4 weeks since I crossed the Grand Canyon on foot - I made it!  As of my last blog post, I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it because a leg/ankle issues.  Today, I can look back and say I am glad I didn't pass up the opportunity to scratch something off my bucket list.  I won't bother to share full details of a 24+ mile journey through a land sculpted by time - my highlights are likely not yours.  But I do have a few reflections if you ever decide to go:

 

1. So, so, so glad I didn't run across the canyon. It would have been just for the sake of saying I did it, but I would have missed the beauty of all that was around me.  I went slow, I took lots of pictures, I kept saying to myself "I can't believe I am doing this!"   The is beauty in the journey, not the destination.  Should be a slogan on a t-shirt or something.
2. I shouldn't have read so much on the internet in the days leading up to my crossing about other people's experiences making the same journey.  I wanted to be thoroughly prepared. I learned a lot about what lied ahead, but it wasn't without causing trepidation about whether I could do it.  As I tell my kids and others - you gotta believe in yourself.  I had planted too many self-doubts, which were unfounded upon looking back.  Plan smart, be smart, know your limits and all will be good. I was made for that trip!
3. When presented with a snake in the of the trail, facing you and blocking your path, it helps to have a hiking stick to poke it away.  Wasn't my stick - I was just fortunate to have some other hikers coming the other way who can lend a quick poke when I needed it. Have I mentioned before I hate snakes.
4. Hike North Rim to South Rim.  That North side is so much more scenic and it was great to experience it while I was fresh and not just ready to be done with the hike.  What views!
5. Consider whether doing a 5 mile hike two days before you go, and then a 3 hour mule ride the day before is smart.  I did both.  Was worried about being sore in the wrong places (unfounded).  BTW - Mules are COOL!  They are so sure footed on switchbacks down into the canyon - our family loved it. Of course, one wrong step....
6. Camping in the Grand Canyon...WHO DOES THIS IN THE SUMMER?   I passed three campgrounds along the way.  Talk about desolate and exposed.  And HOT!  Definitely wouldn't be like car camping....and I bet all the snakes surround your tent at night!
7. Taking 3 - 4 days to hike across is at least 2 - 3 days too many.  Most books recommend that - to be safe. Hogwash!  That makes for some short days, then hanging at the campgrounds.  See point 6.
8. Damn, that was just plain fun! Me and mother nature and hardly another soul around (literally).  As far as anyone knows, I did the whole thing barefoot, while walking backwards, with snow up to my chest.....see dad, even I have stories to pass to my kids!
9. And as a sign it was in the cards for me to do this, here are two daily quotes that came to me in the two days leading up to the hike.  It was meant to be.

 

Ok, those are the reflections, here are a few details just for fun (and a chance to put in more pictures).

 



OMG!



If you read my last blog, you knew this all came about because I scored a last minute reservation to stay overnight at Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the canyon near the Colorado river.  So the plan was to hike 14 miles one day, rest up, and come out the next morning.  Uh, problem.....

 

The problem is me. I don't know when to stop. I bore easily and can't sit still.  I arrived at Phantom Ranch at noon - it there isn't much to it.  What was I going to do for the next 10 hours or so til bed.  It was nearly 110 degrees already.  As I neared Phantom Ranch, I started thinking bigger and making some mental calculations around time, distance and fitness.

 

 



I had arrived.  Or had I?

Then I did what all stupid, macho men would...

• I bought a postcard at the bottom at a tiny Catina to mail to my wife and kids that basically said "I am here. I am bored. I am coming out.  I'll surprise you in a few hours! Love, Me (macho-man).  Then I dropped it in a leather mail bag for a mule to take out the next day.
• I bought lunch.  A bagel.  Pretty slim pickings for food choices at the ranch. And filled up my camelback with water.  And soaked my head and bandanna as well.
• I let the ranch team know that I wasn't checking in or staying, but was going to hike out.  I asked them to give my bunk to someone else who might need it. All expenses prepaid. I hope someone got to use it.
• And off I went...

Sunset at GC, during a small canyon fire

Not having a plan to go across in one day really played in my favor. If I had thought I would do this, I would have probably shaved two hours off my morning time, but not had as much fun in the early part of the day. 

 

There was only one couple that passed me in the same direction on the hike down all morning.  They had cooled off in Bright Angel Creek during lunch and were getting ready to hike out to the South Rim as well, but I started a few minutes before they did.  Of course, I stopped to take more pictures and they quickly caught me, so I filed in behind them and started chatting with them. Turns out they were more macho than me.  Both were from Darien, Illinois.  He was an Ironman competitor, and together they had both hiked across the Grand Canyon the day before.  Yeah. Two 24 mile crossings in two day.  And they weren't showing any signs of tiredness.  Time to tighten up my shoe-laces, get a grip on the poles and power hike if I wanted to stay with them.

 

I was glad I did!

 

Before we went 1/4 mile, we passed a National Park ranger who asked if we were hiking out.  Yes sir.   He questioned our judgment and said it was hot.  We understand - this isn't for the faint of heart (and I read enough internet articles to know he was going to say this).   We said goodbye and went on our way. Bet he comes across people like us all the time.

Crossing the Colorado River

5000 feet uphill out, with the sun beating on us made for a long afternoon.  For the first time my head really started to sweat, and it didn't just evaporate immediately.  But, we had milestones along the way to look forward to. Crossing the Colorado River on a foot bridge.  Seeing river rafters from a vantage point higher up.  Stopping at Indian Gardens campground to refuel....

 

...and then realizing at Indian Garden that I was running out of gas and I still had 4.5 miles to go, uphill (barefoot and backwards in the snow).  I was beginning to slog along and slowing down my trekking companions (or at least the husband - I think wife was on my side in that this wasn't a sprint!).  At the 3 mile shelter we rested for nearly 40 minutes (I needed it, but was intentional about staying longer to allow the sun to dip a bit behind the canyon so we could hike in shade).  We found out here from someone that a rescue helicopter had just landed there on a sand helipad about 30 minutes earlier to extract two hikers who were not completely with it.  Apparently they were fit, younger people who didn't take in enough water or electrolytes during the day and paid the price.  We saw the helicopter fly past us earlier - now we knew why.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I looked up extraction insurance during my research just to understand what might happen if I got sick/injured.  Didn't go with it - plan smart, be smart.  I wouldn't have started the hike out without knowing I could do it and had the right supplies with me, and plenty of daylight to work with.  I was tired, but had my senses and just needed to keep plodding along.

 

Slow going up Bright Angel Trail

To wrap this up, the last 4.5 miles out took about 3 hours with a fair number of short rest breaks.  Climbing out the last part of the South Rim after 20 miles was exhausting, but as I saw the rim nearing, I got a second wind.  My companions didn't leave me behind even when I urged them to go on while I took a few breaks.  They said that you don't hike with someone for 10 miles only to leave them behind the last few.  I was grateful to have the company and to share the joy with someone when we reached the top.

 

So now to find the family!  My wife dropped me off at the North Kaibab Trailhead at 5:45 am in 40 degree temperatures and then drove with the kids 200+ miles to sight see on the South Rim during the day.   I exited on Bright Angel Trail 12 hours later in 90 - 100 degree temps and planned to surprise them at the lodge where we had reservations, since they thought they wouldn't see me until the next day.

 

I texted them and said "hey, I managed to get reception at the bottom, where are you?". (sneaky, right)  No response.  Darn. I called (using my magic reception), no answer. Darn.  So I started walking to our lodge (note - after a long days hike, the last thing you want to do is walk another 3/4 mile to get to rest).   But, after a 1/2 mile I saw the GC Shuttle stop and a bus waiting and climbed on (dirty and smelly I am sure), so they could drive me 1/4 mile to the lodge lobby (I know, I was a slacker).

See note at bottom of board!

The lodge clerk told me my family had checked in already, made me provide proof of identity (just give me the damn key!!!) and made me walk another 1/4 mile to our room (isn't there a golf cart to take me???).  I saw our car in the parking lot. I went to the door and listened (very stalkerish). No sounds.  I was going to video my surprise hello, but was disappointed that nobody was in the room. Huh.

 

So I sat down in a chair next to a table and thought, now what. 

 

Not 1 minute later the door begins to open. I couldn't even react quickly enough to get my camera ready.   In walks my daughter first, and I may have scared the daylights out of her.  Picture a partially lit room, and a shadowy figure at a table that you aren't expecting to see.  Just like at the movies - all that was missing was the creepy music. Yikes!

 

But it only took a moment for her to realize who it was.  The shout of "daddy" made my day all worth it, and for us to swap stories of our day.

 

AND THAT....IS WHAT I DID ON JUNE 6, 2014!    Just amazing.

 

 Pause....And Dream With Me

 

Companion every step (KEIYH)



What is it that you have always wanted to do, but haven't made the time for?  What is stopping you?

 

I still think vividly about my journey.  I don't know if I would do the whole think again.  Definitely the 1st part - it was that breathtaking.  But I dream for my next adventure already.  Next month, I plan on participating in my second TransRockies run.  Crossing the GC on foot by hiking made me realize that if my leg issues aren't better, that I shouldn't worry.  Walking 120 miles over 6 days wouldn't be the worst thing. I think I'd see some amazing things I missed in 2010 when I did run. But I am now ok with that.  I think this gave me great perspective that if I ever am able to pursue some of the longer distances I want to try, it is acceptable to walk.  No need to be a super macho man.

And just like at the GC, I'll have my wife waiting for me each day at the TRR finish line, as she is volunteering for the event and has been assigned the duty of finish line food and drinks!  Not a bad gig.  "Honey, I'll have a cold beer (likely Gatorade) and some chocolate!"  And what other competitors will be a kiss at the finish line (all dirty and smelly!)

 

Look how far I've come

The Final Word.

 

Before heading to Arizona on our vacation, my wife insisted I make an appointment with the foot doctor to find out what was causing bad shin splints, ankle soreness and hip problems.  Walking didn't seem to bother me (no issues on GC hike whatsoever), but running was a problem.  I secured an appoint a few days after our return and found out that my right leg/foot wasn't the problem.  My left foot was.  My right was only compensating to deal with issue.

 

Ah.

 

That diagnosis was three weeks ago. Prescription - see a Physical Therapist, get shoe inserts/supports, and stretch more. Apparently my lack of stretching for 46 years is catching up to me.  Tight calves = bad boy.  Who would've thought?

 

Last week my therapist did dry needling in my leg. Think acupuncture.  Interesting.  He's had me stretching daily, and I've been good about it...mostly.  I hate hamstring stretches almost as much as I hate snakes.  But, I am thinking big picture dreams, and the Rocky Mountains are calling in about 37 days.  And after that...maybe a longer run....  Leg isn't as bad as it was and I am building up some miles again on the trails.  TRR here I come, ready or not.

 

My dream is alive, although it may not be like I originally planned.  Funny how life works out that way.  But I have great perspective now.

 

My awesome support crew...they believe in me!  Thank you!!

 

See the resemblance? It's uncanny.

Dreams Do Come True...Maybe

For the past few years I've had this dream to run across the Grand Canyon (GC).  A bucket list item. A big dream and maybe a bit unrealistic.  Not just to run from one rim to the other, but then back again.  Maybe in the same day, but more likely the next.  Total of about 48 miles.  There is a small window of time when it is safest to make this crossing - late May, or late September/early October, when the North Rim is open to the public (due to its 8000 ft elevation and cold/snow, it is only accessible by vehicle from May 15 to early October).  Any other time for a GC run is discouraged due to the heat in the canyon.

After our move to Colorado last year, I started thinking about the GC more. We even planned a family trip to visit the GC this June and secured some of the limited lodging on the hard to reach North Rim, where we are going to do a 3 hour mule ride into the canyon. Fun times! Then last week we got an extra day on the South Rim to view the canyon from a different perspective.  Lots of good sight-seeing time and breath-taking views are in our future.

Since winter, I have also been training for my 2nd Transrockies run. More fun times!  I;ve been getting in good hill and distance work, and not overdoing it.  Unfortunately, shin splints and other ailments in my right leg/foot have set me back these past few weeks, and have me walking/cycling more than running. I'm not a happy camper right now.

So last week I was reading up on what else we could do at the GC, and simultaneously thinking about when in my life I might get back to do this dream run.  I'm not getting any younger and have many other sights to see!  I read many stories about people who run Rim-to-Rim-to-Rim in a day, or take a more leisurely pace to hike across the canyon over 1 - 4 days.  But multiple days requires a backcountry permit to camp in the National Park, or a reservation at the famed Phantom Ranch at the canyon bottom (20 bunks for men, 20 for women).  Reservations can be made 13 months in advance, and sell out fast.  I am not really a camper, nor a hiker.  I want to run.  But last weekend, two weeks before our trip, I decided to take a chance and submitted an on-line reservation request for one night at Phantom Ranch, on the one day where a crossing would even be possible.  And by possible, I mean I would cross the GC on foot, while my wife and kids travel from North to South Rim via car and sightsee (in a nicely air conditioned vehicle).  They don't want to participate my big dream, but they support it! And by support it, I mean roll their eyes. Maybe tolerate my whims is a better phrase.

Last Tuesday afternoon, I called to see if any openings might be available.  They said none were, and that cancellations were rare. I understood.  20 beds, 13 months in advance. Poor planning on my part.  It was a Hail Mary call at best.

Last Tuesday night I was sitting in the family room checking my email.  And I grunted something audible AND highly intelligent, like "huh". 

My wife and daughter saw a puzzled look on my face and asked what was wrong.  I don't remember my exact reply, but in retrospect I think I sounded like Frank from Everybody Loves Raymond...."HOLY CRAP!"

I won the lottery. I secured an overnight reservation.

But as my wife put it that night, I was really experiencing, "my personal oh sh*t moment!"

Time to WALK THE TALK. 

Hike 14 miles downhill one day, dropping 6000 feet in elevation.  Stay overnight with 19 new friends on the bank of the Colorado river and Bright Angel Creek.  Hike another 10 miles - gaining 5000 feet in elevation - the next day.  Leave my family around 6 am on day one, meet up with them around noon the next.  And hopefully sooner - we have other vacation plans!

I know what they are really thinking - "Finally, a real family vacation!"  They are going to enjoy not having to stick to a schedule for at least a day (THINK EUROPEAN VACTION - Hey Look kids, there's Big Ben, there's Parliment!).  Heck, by the time I arrive they'll still be having a late breakfast!

Back to the email.  I really didn't believe it.  So I called the next day to confirm. Sure enough, I hit the lottery!  Holy crap!

I wasn't expecting this, but it probably couldn't have occured at a better time. What better way to stay in shape than a 24 mile jaunt.  Probably just like hot yoga - Grand Canyon style!  I've never truly hiked in my life, so I am approaching this like an endurance trail run - good trail shoes, a 100 oz Camelback backpack, and all the other little essentials necessary to make this a success.  And a new pair of hiking poles!

• To say I am excited is an understatement. 
• To say I am nervous is realistic.
• To say this was a stroke of luck is spot on (Luck = Preparation + Opportunity)

If I don't try this now, I would be beating myself up for not taking advantage of this moment.  As I write this, it still may not happen as my leg/foot was not great this weekend (I'd put it at 50/50 as of now, but 90/10 with my heart).  There are other variables too:  how the weather is, how much I sleep this week, whether I get it sworn in blood the family will meet me on the other side. Variables.

Pause....And Dream With Me

....just dream with me.  What an opportunity.

....and pray for me.  I am not going to be 100%.

....and send good mojo my way.  Or cash.  Cash is always welcome.

....and I am going to bring a friend with me for inspiration. I think she'd enjoy the effort and the view.  KEIYH

Hoping I'll see you on the other side as the result of a hike!

Will He, or Won't He?





The Happy Couple

I've been pondering for awhile whether to write this, because it will touch on a sensitive issue.  The topic is Donald Sterling. You would have to have been living under a rock for the last month to not be aware of the controversy he has caused.   And the story is not likely to go away anytime soon, given what we read in the press about him not wanting to give up ownership of the LA Clippers basketball team without a fight.

 

As this has played out in the media over the past month, a number of questions have arisen in my mind about Donald, and thankfully, none of them have to do with the comments he made on tape. 

• How did V. Stiviano come to be classified as his "girlfriend"?  Dude, she says she was your assistant. A well paid assistant, who sat by your side when needed (apparently with a tape recorder strapped to her inner thigh. No wonder you didn't know you were being taped. No girlfriend would do THAT)
• How come Donald felt the need to participate in an interview with Anderson Cooper?  His attorney should be fired for that bonehead move.  Open mouth, insert..."I wanted to have sex with the girl..."  That was your excuse for why you made those comments???
• Did he really think that he would win brownie points with the public by confessing he was hoping to have sex with V?  Oh Donald....you poor 80 year old man.When he was speaking about Magic Johnson, I don't get the sense it was about the former Lakers basketball player....
• What exactly is the relationship between he and his "wife" of 55 years, Rochelle?  She's had the divorce petition ready to go for many years, but timing was never right.  Uh-huh.  No better time than the present, sweetheart.  Take the money and run...quietly. No more interviews with Savannah.
• What's a V? - That's a bonus question

But seriously. The biggest question has yet to be asked by anyone.

 

Pause....And Dream With Me

 

Did V. Stiviano get Donald Sterling pregnant?  Just askin'...'cause it sure looks like it to me.

Do You Dream in the Bathroom?

 I've already shared that I enjoy People Watching.  It is a passive hobby from which I derive great pleasure.   But lets face it, at times there is nobody interesting to look at.  When that happens I turn into a Thinker.  When I start Thinking, I become dangerous. The Thinking turns into Dreaming, and the Dreaming turns into Writing.  And then there is a new Pause....And Dream With Me moment.

There are other times when my Thinking is at its best. One of those is when I am running.  Lots of quiet time with music playing through my headphones, and I start to compose a story in my head.  Another time is when there is peace and quiet in the bathroom.   Or when I am driving alone in the car over an extended distance.

And so it happened this week on the way to the airport. The radio was tuned to ESPN and "Mike & Mike In The Morning" when they broke for a commercial for a product I never heard of before. 

The Squatty Potty.

Not remarkable in itself, until the tagline was read by the announcer....The Squatty Potty makes going to the bathroom a dream.

What?  You gotta be shi**ing me?  Our experience can be better than it already is???  And they are bringing Dreams into play??? Crap, we've been missing out all these years!  You should not settle for less!  You should "Reap the Rewards" (website has an Infographic like image explaining how)

All you need to do is purchase a The Squatty Potty, and in Disney like fashion, your bathroom dreams will come true!

Pause....And Dream With Me

......Hello?? Are you still there????  Or have you already gone to your "Winnie-The-Pooh Thoughtful spot" to ponder a purchase?  Maybe more than one?  If you visit the home page, you will be sold (like I was) by the headings of:

• Squatting Concept (check out the subheaders....infographic under 1st link)
• Success Stories (some of them are a real stinker)
• Doctor endorsements (Independent reviews?  Checking out our handiwork???)
• Videos (I'm not going there...)

Why didn't I come up with this concept for a product?  I could be rich and retired by now.  Alas, I am relegated to go back to my Thoughtful Spot for the NEXT BIG THING.  At least I can do so in comfort, thanks to the Squatty Potty.

And to think....that announcer had me at hello....

An Open Letter to Cubs Management (p.s. - I'll be waiting by the phone)

I just can't sit idly by anymore without speaking out and expecting some drastic action. When you keep doing the same old thing, you should keep expecting the same old results.  Before we let the 2014 season slip away and get out of control, the 2-4 Chicago Cubs need to take the extraordinary action of calling me up from the minor leagues! And by minor leagues I mean, like from my couch.  I might not have played organized ball in a few years (maybe 1980?), but I don't think I'm going to end up hurting the team in any sense.  When you are at the bottom, there is only one way to go.

When you look around major-league baseball, it's easy to see that about 29 other teams in the league have had more success then my beloved Cubs over the last century. Ok, I lied.  It's been more than a century.  1908 to be exact, was the last time they won the World Series.  But the good news from back then is that they were a dynasty - having also won the World Series in 1907.  They have been there and done that. And if you're a diehard Cubs fan like I am, you want to be a part of that action....in your lifetime. We don't just want to make the playoffs, having done that a number of times since 1984. We want to sniff what the World Series grass actually smells like. To touch it, to feel what it is like to slide in the dirt at Wrigley Field in October. That's what I'm talking about! 

Teams with recent success have had slogans to motivate the fans and sell the merchandise.  The Repeat.  The 3-Peat.  The Drive for Five.  The Chicago Bulls had the 3-Peat Repeat.  The Bears are living off the legacy of the Super Bowl Shuffle.  And the Blackhawks are the best hockey team in the league the last 4 years.  Chicago knows what success looks likes.  Except the White Sox. Seriously, the 1919 World Series was thrown, and the Houston Astros tanked it in 2005. Mark my words - that story has yet to been told.  Back to the slogans....this year is the 100th year anniversary of Wrigley Field (orginally Weeghman Park). 100 years in a ballpark without the fans rushing the field in pandemonium???

The Cubs need an awesome slogan to carry us throughout this year.  Our year. "Once-in-a-lifetime" or "Once-in-a-Century" aren't going to do.  "Wait until next year" is over-used.  Even "Look out 22nd Century, here we come!" seems a bit cliche.  Thinking something like "You know, I am not getting any younger" is something we can all rally behind and relate to.

Pause....And Dream With Me

Dear Tom Ricketts, Chicago Cubs owner and Theo Epstein, Chicago Cubs General Manager:

 

I humbly request that you call me up to join the big league ballclub, effective immediately. My bags are packed, meaning I'll bring my baseball glove with me and a cool pair of flip-down shades. I know how to travel light and don't need a posse. I can be inserted into the lineup tomorrow anywhere you see fit. You see, I'm that type of guy. I will play for free because I enjoy the game that much, and I believe that the Chicago Cubs are destined for greater than they have shown.

 

I'm a versatile guy. A 5-tool player.  Not in the traditional sense.

 

Humor. I will make people laugh in the clubhouse, and in the dugout, and I will do interviews willingly with reporters in fans in others to drum up a renewed interest in our quest to the best (hey - there's another slogan!) 

 

Hustle. I may be a 46-year-old guy, but I'll put myself up against any 46-year-old on the base paths anyday and show them that I have the speed that it takes to hustle down the line on every ground ball, every pop up, and every play. I won't dog it like some of the players earning millions today. 

 

Low maintenance. You need me as a late inning defensive replacement, I'm your guy!  Put me anywhere on the field and I'll do what it takes to contribute to the greater good of the organization. I won't be worried about my contract negotiations, my endorsement deals, or what my stats are. 

 

Sacrifice and movie-star qualities.  You need me to steal a base late, consider it done. You need somebody to go lay down a bunt, or hit it to the right side to move the runner over to win the game, consider it done. Nothing is going to get in the way of us being successful. That 1993 movie they made about a young boy helping the Cubs - Rookie of the Year?  Pure Fiction. I am just a movie waiting to be made about how I helped the Cubs win the 2014 World Series as a early-season call up.  Tom/Theo - that's a bold prediction, but one I am willing to bet on!

 

After killing it in the regular season, I am already dreaming about what it's going to come down to in the World Series.  Picture this.  

 

Wrigley Field, Game 7, bottom of the 9th, tie game and two outs.  I am on 3rd base because I bunted perfectly for a hit (no need to swing my 28 ounce, 27" bat for the fences - I'll play to my strength!).  I go to second on a bad pickoff throw because the reliever is concerned about my 46-year old speed and swiping second base.  I then take 3rd on sacrifice fly to medium left field. Nobody tags ups on a fly to left, but I am sneaky.  I catch them off guard and barely beat the tag with an incredible head first dive, switching hands at the last second to avoid the tag and touch the base.  Then it happens.

 

I have them so scared about stealing home that the pitcher balks.  I walk home.  Game over. Fans rush the field. Pandemonium ensues. And I retire and go on the Legends Circuit, earning millions telling my story.

 

Tom/Theo - What would you expect from a 46-year old guy?  I was pretty tired by the time I got to 3rd base.

 

Yours truly,

#23 (yes you are going to have to unretire my number)

Ken

 

 

Making History....I'm Gonna Be On The Ellen DeGeneres show!

By now you know I am a DREAMER!  Today, we are gonna make history. But I'm going to need a lot of help. Your help.  What are we going to do?  Better yet, you are already probably asking yourself, "Ken, tell me what I need to do? I am ready to go all-in, just because you need me."  Don't want to put words into your mouth, but that's that spirit!!!  I need to give you some Background first, before I share the Action Plan, and The Record.  Read on, 'cause by the end, you'll be chomping at the bit to help.  Oh, and as always, I save a surprise twist for the end.  For you.

 

The Background

 

You probably saw that a few weeks ago Ellen DeGeneres broke some sort of record by having a celebrity selfie photo taken at the Oscars (photo to the left) retweeted more times than anybody previously.  I think it hit somewhere around 3 million, maybe more.  But seriously how could this photo be really complete with celebrities with Matthew McConaughey missing. Alright alright alright! 

 

Now, the selfie photo itself is rather funny. That Ellen is darn creative, and for my money, she is way more genuine than all of her talk show predecessors.  But what you may not have seen was the selfie version taken from the backside. Oh, poor Liza Minnelli (in the blue dress).  She absolutely got squeezed out of the photo that is famous for how it has reached around the world. Relevancy apparently matters in show-biz, and Liza didn't make the cut.

In truth, I wasn't really impressed with the photo. Sure, it contained a bunch of good looking people who make millions of dollars every year.  But it didn't really float my boat.  I don't go all goo-goo and ga-ga over celebrities. I could pass one of the street, look at them, and go on as if it really didn't matter. I'm not one to run up to them and ask them for an autograph. I'm not going to stalk them to see what they do next. And I really don't have an interest in going up to them and asking to have a personal selfie taken.

 

Unless.......I see Jennifer Aniston, Julianne Hough or Diane Lane. Then all bets are off and I'll likely be arrested. There are always exceptions.  I am allowed to have a top five list are right? I mean if it could work for Ross on Friends, why can't I have one? And I only have three names on my list! 

Of course, I need a spot on the list for my wife. Duh. And I'd be hard pressed to come up with one more celeb (I type in willingly as my wife peers in over my shoulder).  

Anyway, I got to thinking to during one of my dreaming moments, What type of photo could actually garner more attention and subsequent action than one with Bradley, Angelina, Brad, Angelina, Julia, and JLaw? 

It needs to be a photo that anybody can relate to, no matter how old a person is.  What is a photo that anyone could look at and smile about?  (I know, besides Jennifer, Julianne and Diane.  It's good to see that you are tracking with me though....)

I have the photo.  One that will bring our the inner child in all of us.  It is one that has a collection of the most popular cartoon characters of all time.  A Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck or Goofy fan?  Check.  Sponge Bob? Check.  Barney Rubble your man? Check.  Some obscure characters? Oh, they are here as well.

Pause...And Dream With Me

We are going to reach millions of people with my request of you.  You see, I need your help because I only have about 230 Facebook friends, of which about 37 are active.  (Yes, that is you, faithful readers of my 6 blog posts).   My network is enough to start a viral movement, but not enough to carry it over the top. 

Oh sure, I could also tap into my extensive group of Twitter followers, but that would mean I'd need to tweet more than two times, and have more than 12 followers.  Yes, I know it is pathetic, but if you can't tell, I don't have time for Twitter.  Limiting me to 140 characters would be....well....limiting.  And I am not into self promotion. That's where you come in :)

But I am willing to bet on you and your extended networks. Because of you, we could get hundreds of people to read this post and smile and THEN LIKE IT, in a matter of hours.   Yes, I know....they will smile because there are awesome photos of Jennifer, Julianne and Diane here.

And for the ladies, I am going to throw in a gratuitous photo of Matthew (thinking he may be on some of your top 5 lists. Or is he the one???)

Anyhooo.....all in your network may actually LIKE IT this blog post on Facebook, because of my action plan.

Imagine if every child today between the ages of two and 10 had a Facebook account (your kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews, cousins). Or that they followed me on Twitter. By pimping out the kids, they would be able to Share this post on Facebook, or retweet it on Twitter.  My cartoon photo would make it around the globe.  Being a big dreamer, I think we'd hit more than 3 million in a matter of minutes! 

 

Now, it doesn't hurt that I've sexed it up with photos Jennifer, Julianne and Diane (and Matthew). But that's besides the point.  However, if getting you to take the actions I list out below requires me to post a photo of someone in your top 5, just Comment at the bottom of this post, and consider it done!  I am not above selling out to set a record.

 

But of course my thinking is flawed. Using kids as my launching pad to a record is uncalled for. 

Instead I need to rely on you… The few, faithful, avid followers who like to read the drivel that I put out periodically. 

 

The Action Plan 

 

If you've gotten this far in reading this blog (I know you have, because you want to see how I pull this altogether!) I have a simple ask of you.  

1. Be BOLD, and share this blog on Facebook (if that's how you're reading it) with your Friends.  Click the Share button, show the Cartoon photo - it'll suck in your network into reading more right away.  My heading will tell them they are going to help set a record.  Viola!  And the photos will make it look like they are reading People magazine.
2. Like this post via Facebook. I bet you I can get something like at least 13 likes within the next 24 hours. That in itself will be a record (of the 7 posts so far).  Likes help me track engagement.  Or some crap like that. 
3. Once that happens we are on our way, and together we can watch the impact of my grand plan.
4. Oh, and write a Comment below (they are anonymous), or on Facebook with this post, with the Top 5 photo you want me to add-in, because it will bring an extra BIG smile to your face, and maybe a little tingle in your nether regions....

The Record

 

How will we know we have a world record of outreach?  It's the counter I have on the right side of my blog. Every visit registers as a page view. I may be at about 540 or so right now, but within the next 24 to 48 hours when this type of post goes viral through all your extended networks, we're going to see that creep into the thousands… No tens of thousands… No millions…. McDonald's, watch out, we're coming.  Billions baby, billions.

 

That is the power of the social network!!  One great post (just go with it), one great team, one great idea of sucking them in with a cartoon photo, and then lots of smiles because of Jennifer, Julianne, Diane and Matthew.  People won't be able to resist the LIKING and the SHARING.  Don't deny human nature people.....

An Even Bigger Dream!

 

But for true big time outreach. I have an even bigger goal. Sure we can reach 3 - 4 million people overnight (have you Shared yet?  Geez, simple ask.  Do it.), but...

 

I am hoping that Ellen sees this post.  I hope that Ellen will share it on her Facebook page and ask her millions of followers to then share it. OMG! Can you imagine that?  Your networks will have started the craze, but....

Ellen is the big time. She has 4.4 Million followers!

I may not be a celebrity stalker, but if she just happened to invite me to be on her show because of what started here today...

I would ask for a selfie with her. In my book, she's right up there with Julianne, Diane, and Jennifer.  She's the 5th spot on my list.

 

And it doesn't hurt that she happens to be great friends with Jennifer! 

 

Wow, this dream keeps getting better....

 

 

Be Careful, I May Be Watching You!

I am a People Watcher.  Not in the Peeping Tom sense, but rather the "what they heck are people thinking" sense.  You know what I am talking about, because you've all been in the situation.  Maybe you don't do it consciously, but once your eyes are on the train wreck, it is really difficult to avert them.  There are plenty of great places for pursuing the hobby of people watching.

Disney World (or other amusement park)
NASCAR race (a must if you haven't tried it)
Shopping Mall (pull up a cozy chair and grab a Pepsi)
Church (keep an eye on the kids!)
Airplane (you are a captive audience)

It is that last place that I have experienced way too many "you have got to be kidding me" moments.  WAY TOO MANY.  Seriously, the amount of whining, complaining, lack of respect for others, invasion of personal space, etc that occurs on a cramped airplane is overwhelming.  It is as if everyone is missing out on the joy of flying and wanting to replace it with an "everyone needs to cater to me attitude".  I don't blame the airlines.  They are running a business, one that is difficult to make a profit at, and therefore have needed to take many steps to increase revenue.  And that is their right.  As consumers, we can choose not to use their product.

What isn't right is when these paying customers treat the employees of said airlines like crap.  They aren't waitresses to fetch food and drink at a whim, they aren't teachers to remind you their are rules to follow, they aren't baby-sitters to tend to your child while they run up and down the aisle, and they aren't bellhops to schlep and lift your luggage into overhead bins.

And that is where my latest experience begins...

A few weeks ago I was traveling back home on Southwest Airlines, which has some of the happiest flight attendants around. Love the humor they use in their announcements.  The planes have open seating, and boarding by numerical order.  Quite efficient compared to other airlines I've been on.  I happened to be in the A boarding group, around number 35, so I was able to pick my preferred aisle seat, probably around row 15.  Quickly stored my bag in the overhead bin, settled into seat, and...

PEOPLE WATCHED...Let the games begin.

Our contestant this time was a middle aged women, a bit larger than average, who packed her carry-on roller bag WAY BIGGER than it should have been.  The length was standard size, but the thickness of the bad was at least 4 - 5 inches too big.  No joke.  Shame on airport personnel for not catching this, as these situations could avoided before the bag ever reaches the plane.

So she is determined to fit her bag in the bin about 3 rows ahead of me and lifts it up and starts shoving.  NO GO.  A kind flight attendant is standing in the row behind my seat and says something to the effect of "that won't fit, this plane is a 300, rather than the traditional Southwest 700, and the bins are smaller".

Should have yelled it, as it fell on deaf ears.  

If there were waitresses on my plane, I was ready to order some popcorn, because this movie was only starting.

So lady takes her nice purple roller bag down, sets it on a seat, unzips the top pocket and pulls out a plastic bag filled with food.  "Good start, but you still got about 3" to go (I think to myself)".  Next attempt she stands up on the airplane seat, and starts shoving even harder. NO GO.  Flight attendant repeats her statement with no visible reaction from paying customer, and now the guy behind her in line starts helping with the pushing, which is only straining how far the bin will bend and sag.  Bag comes down again into seat, more starts to come out of zipper pocket, and I am looking around hoping to order a drink, as the popcorn is sticking in my throat a bit. 

Take three.  Uh. Nope.  Lots of people stacking up in the aisle waiting for this fiasco to end. Flight attendant goes to back of plane and gets on speaker systems and announces for all to hear, "this Southwest plane is a 300, not the traditional 700, and the bins are smaller in size.  Not all your luggage may fit, and you may need to check it".  Whoo-hooo.  Good for her for pointing out where the issue is. I stand up (in my mind) and give her a loud standing ovation.  And ask for a Snickers bar to help get rid of that salty popcorn taste.  Maybe a drink refill too.

At this point, the man is still trying to help stow her bag.  And what does she do??? She asks to sit in my row, and proceeds to take the window seat. No problem there, I am good with that in our free enterprise, open seating system. 

But that's when this movie kicks into high gear. No joke.

Flight attendant comes back up behind me and says "where did her luggage go?"   Lady in the window says "where did my luggage go?"  All passengers are moving well in the aisle now taking their seats.   I look around and realize the guy who was previously assisting has determined this isn't his problem, and he had set her luggage in the middle of a seat below the bin and continued on with his boarding.   You know what I did?  Yep, stood up (in my mind) and gave him a standing ovation.

Now, you may have come to know that my stories on airplanes are true.  I often text my wife with play-by-play of what is happening, with the caveat "I can't make this stuff up".  So in this case, I supported it with a photo.  Bad Ken.  Bad.  Heee-heee!

So somebody else takes up her cause on her behalf and tries to stow the bag, and the next statement I heard was one that nearly knocked me on the floor with laughter.  She is watching this play out and says....

"That bag isn't going to fit. I can see it from her and I'm a rocket scientist."

No joke. I AM A ROCKET SCIENTIST! AND IT IS YOUR FREAKIN' BAG!!!

I couldn't believe it.  No Sh*t Sherlock, or should I say, Einstein.  That bag isn't going to fit. Everyone has been telling you so.  Finally some kind of airline intervention occurred and she thins out her bag, it gets stowed properly, and she settles into her seat.  Then she says to me...

"Is this going to be a full flight?"  Yes, I replied.  The mere nature of the question should have been my hint that there was a 3rd act to this movie, and it was about to begin.  She starts taking out stuff from her shoulder bag, and spreading her folders out on the currently empty middle seat between us. 

Uh-huh! No joke.  I can't make this stuff up.  And I have proof in the form of another photo!  Heee-heee.  Bad Ken. Bad.

And I almost got busted.

Pause....And Dream With Me

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?  With the current state of technology and our ability to capture moments ANYTIME and ANYWHERE, carrying a cell phone with a camera is a dream for People Watchers like me.  While movies are playing out real-time before my eyes, my brain is weaving the story into something even more as I wonder what these people are thinking and how can I tell this story to others.  And then I decide that I need to capture the moment using my technology as proof to the wackiness!

And the key to doing this is not getting caught.  So while I was texting my wife about her spreading her folders out, I also tried to be sneaky and aim my IPhone camera to the left, while holding it waist high, and snap a photo.  And I did.  Only I didn't realize my camera flash was on, and it lit my my aisle and a few others around me with a bright flash.

Ooops!  BIG TIME OOPS!!!

Thankfully, she was kinda bending down in her seat, reaching into her bag (probably to pull out more stuff).  So I quickly turned my flash off .... and took another photo (hey, I came this far, why not see it through), as the first one wasn't aimed well.  Better success with second photo, which was quickly sent off as a text.  And edited to protect the contestant.  Bad Ken. Bad.

Now, there was more that she did on this flight that I won't go into, but she didn't make friends with the original flight attendant she ticked off.  In short, her drink and peanuts service wasn't as good as it could have been.  And since I was buckled in, I couldn't stand up to give one more standing ovation, she instead I gave the flight attendant a HIGH FIVE (in my mind) for standing her ground.  She doesn't get paid enough to put up with people like this.

Eventually during boarding the middle seat was taken by a guy around 25.  No problems there. 
I am a People Watcher on a plane. My quiet time to observe, think, relax, and observe some more.  Everything that happens on the plane is really out of my control, so I look forward to the pilots doing their thing and just taking me home. So I don't engage in too much plane conversation.

However, before takeoff, he turns to me and asks if I am from Colorado.  Yes, I replied.  His next question...

"Is it easy to get weed there?"

Oh boy, People Watching with dialogue???