I just can't sit idly by anymore without speaking out and expecting some drastic action. When you keep doing the same old thing, you should keep expecting the same old results.
Before we let the 2014 season slip away and get out of control, the 2-4
Chicago Cubs need to take the extraordinary action of calling me up from the
minor leagues! And by minor leagues I mean, like from my couch. I might not have played organized ball in a few years (maybe 1980?), but
I don't think I'm going to end up hurting the team in any sense. When you are at the bottom, there is only one way to go.
When you look around major-league baseball, it's easy to
see that about 29 other teams in the league have had more success then my beloved Cubs over the last century.
Ok, I lied. It's been more than a century. 1908 to be exact, was the last time they won the World Series. But the good news from back then is that they were a dynasty - having also won the World Series in 1907. They have been there and done that. And if you're a diehard
Cubs fan like I am, you want to be a part of that action....in your lifetime. We don't just want to make
the playoffs, having done that a number of times since 1984. We want to sniff what the World Series grass actually smells
like. To touch it, to feel what it is like to slide in the dirt at Wrigley Field in October.
That's what I'm talking about!
Teams with recent success have had slogans to motivate the fans and sell the merchandise. The Repeat. The 3-Peat. The Drive for Five. The Chicago Bulls had the 3-Peat Repeat. The Bears are living off the legacy of the Super Bowl Shuffle. And the Blackhawks are the best hockey team in the league the last 4 years. Chicago knows what success looks likes. Except the White Sox. Seriously, the 1919 World Series was thrown, and the Houston Astros tanked it in 2005. Mark my words - that story has yet to been told. Back to the slogans....this year is the 100th year anniversary of Wrigley Field (orginally Weeghman Park). 100 years in a ballpark without the fans rushing the field in pandemonium???
The Cubs need an awesome slogan to carry us throughout this year. Our year. "Once-in-a-lifetime" or "Once-in-a-Century" aren't going to do. "Wait until next year" is over-used. Even "Look out 22nd Century, here we come!" seems a bit cliche. Thinking something like "You know, I am not getting any younger" is something we can all rally behind and relate to.
Pause....And Dream With Me
Dear Tom Ricketts, Chicago Cubs owner and Theo Epstein, Chicago Cubs General Manager:
I humbly request
that you call me up to join the big league ballclub, effective immediately. My bags are
packed, meaning I'll bring my baseball glove with me and a cool pair of flip-down shades. I know how to travel light and don't need a posse.
I can be inserted into the lineup tomorrow anywhere you see fit. You see, I'm
that type of guy. I will play for free because I enjoy the game that much, and
I believe that the Chicago Cubs are destined for greater than they have shown.
I'm a versatile guy. A 5-tool player. Not in the traditional sense.
Humor. I will make people
laugh in the clubhouse, and in the dugout, and I will do interviews willingly
with reporters in fans in others to drum up a renewed interest in our quest to the best (hey - there's another slogan!)
Hustle. I may be a 46-year-old
guy, but I'll put myself up against any 46-year-old on the base paths anyday and show
them that I have the speed that it takes to hustle down the line on every
ground ball, every pop up, and every play. I won't dog it like some of the players earning millions today.
Low maintenance. You need me as a
late inning defensive replacement, I'm your guy! Put me anywhere on the field
and I'll do what it takes to contribute to the greater good of the organization. I
won't be worried about my contract negotiations, my endorsement deals, or what
my stats are.
Sacrifice and movie-star qualities. You need me to steal a
base late, consider it done. You need somebody to go lay down a bunt, or hit it to the right side to move
the runner over to win the game, consider it done. Nothing is going to get in
the way of us being successful. That 1993 movie they made about a young boy helping the Cubs - Rookie of the Year? Pure Fiction. I am just a movie
waiting to be made about how I helped the Cubs win the 2014 World Series as
a early-season call up. Tom/Theo - that's a bold prediction, but one I am willing to bet on!
After killing it in the regular season, I am already dreaming about what it's going to come down to in the World Series. Picture this.
Wrigley Field, Game 7, bottom of the 9th, tie game and two outs. I am on 3rd base because I bunted perfectly for a hit (no need to swing my 28 ounce, 27" bat for the fences - I'll play to my strength!). I go to second on a bad pickoff throw because the reliever is concerned about my 46-year old speed and swiping second base. I then take 3rd on sacrifice fly to medium left field. Nobody tags ups on a fly to left, but I am sneaky. I catch them off guard and barely beat the tag with an incredible head first dive, switching hands at the last second to avoid the tag and touch the base. Then it happens.
I have them so scared about stealing home that the pitcher balks. I walk home. Game over. Fans rush the field. Pandemonium ensues. And I retire and go on the Legends Circuit, earning millions telling my story.
Tom/Theo - What would you expect from a 46-year old guy? I was pretty tired by the time I got to 3rd base.
Yours
truly,
#23 (yes you are going to have to unretire my number)
Ken
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