Be Careful, I May Be Watching You!

I am a People Watcher.  Not in the Peeping Tom sense, but rather the "what they heck are people thinking" sense.  You know what I am talking about, because you've all been in the situation.  Maybe you don't do it consciously, but once your eyes are on the train wreck, it is really difficult to avert them.  There are plenty of great places for pursuing the hobby of people watching.

Disney World (or other amusement park)
NASCAR race (a must if you haven't tried it)
Shopping Mall (pull up a cozy chair and grab a Pepsi)
Church (keep an eye on the kids!)
Airplane (you are a captive audience)

It is that last place that I have experienced way too many "you have got to be kidding me" moments.  WAY TOO MANY.  Seriously, the amount of whining, complaining, lack of respect for others, invasion of personal space, etc that occurs on a cramped airplane is overwhelming.  It is as if everyone is missing out on the joy of flying and wanting to replace it with an "everyone needs to cater to me attitude".  I don't blame the airlines.  They are running a business, one that is difficult to make a profit at, and therefore have needed to take many steps to increase revenue.  And that is their right.  As consumers, we can choose not to use their product.

What isn't right is when these paying customers treat the employees of said airlines like crap.  They aren't waitresses to fetch food and drink at a whim, they aren't teachers to remind you their are rules to follow, they aren't baby-sitters to tend to your child while they run up and down the aisle, and they aren't bellhops to schlep and lift your luggage into overhead bins.

And that is where my latest experience begins...

A few weeks ago I was traveling back home on Southwest Airlines, which has some of the happiest flight attendants around. Love the humor they use in their announcements.  The planes have open seating, and boarding by numerical order.  Quite efficient compared to other airlines I've been on.  I happened to be in the A boarding group, around number 35, so I was able to pick my preferred aisle seat, probably around row 15.  Quickly stored my bag in the overhead bin, settled into seat, and...

PEOPLE WATCHED...Let the games begin.

Our contestant this time was a middle aged women, a bit larger than average, who packed her carry-on roller bag WAY BIGGER than it should have been.  The length was standard size, but the thickness of the bad was at least 4 - 5 inches too big.  No joke.  Shame on airport personnel for not catching this, as these situations could avoided before the bag ever reaches the plane.

So she is determined to fit her bag in the bin about 3 rows ahead of me and lifts it up and starts shoving.  NO GO.  A kind flight attendant is standing in the row behind my seat and says something to the effect of "that won't fit, this plane is a 300, rather than the traditional Southwest 700, and the bins are smaller".

Should have yelled it, as it fell on deaf ears.  

If there were waitresses on my plane, I was ready to order some popcorn, because this movie was only starting.

So lady takes her nice purple roller bag down, sets it on a seat, unzips the top pocket and pulls out a plastic bag filled with food.  "Good start, but you still got about 3" to go (I think to myself)".  Next attempt she stands up on the airplane seat, and starts shoving even harder. NO GO.  Flight attendant repeats her statement with no visible reaction from paying customer, and now the guy behind her in line starts helping with the pushing, which is only straining how far the bin will bend and sag.  Bag comes down again into seat, more starts to come out of zipper pocket, and I am looking around hoping to order a drink, as the popcorn is sticking in my throat a bit. 

Take three.  Uh. Nope.  Lots of people stacking up in the aisle waiting for this fiasco to end. Flight attendant goes to back of plane and gets on speaker systems and announces for all to hear, "this Southwest plane is a 300, not the traditional 700, and the bins are smaller in size.  Not all your luggage may fit, and you may need to check it".  Whoo-hooo.  Good for her for pointing out where the issue is. I stand up (in my mind) and give her a loud standing ovation.  And ask for a Snickers bar to help get rid of that salty popcorn taste.  Maybe a drink refill too.

At this point, the man is still trying to help stow her bag.  And what does she do??? She asks to sit in my row, and proceeds to take the window seat. No problem there, I am good with that in our free enterprise, open seating system. 

But that's when this movie kicks into high gear. No joke.

Flight attendant comes back up behind me and says "where did her luggage go?"   Lady in the window says "where did my luggage go?"  All passengers are moving well in the aisle now taking their seats.   I look around and realize the guy who was previously assisting has determined this isn't his problem, and he had set her luggage in the middle of a seat below the bin and continued on with his boarding.   You know what I did?  Yep, stood up (in my mind) and gave him a standing ovation.

Now, you may have come to know that my stories on airplanes are true.  I often text my wife with play-by-play of what is happening, with the caveat "I can't make this stuff up".  So in this case, I supported it with a photo.  Bad Ken.  Bad.  Heee-heee!

So somebody else takes up her cause on her behalf and tries to stow the bag, and the next statement I heard was one that nearly knocked me on the floor with laughter.  She is watching this play out and says....

"That bag isn't going to fit. I can see it from her and I'm a rocket scientist."

No joke. I AM A ROCKET SCIENTIST! AND IT IS YOUR FREAKIN' BAG!!!

I couldn't believe it.  No Sh*t Sherlock, or should I say, Einstein.  That bag isn't going to fit. Everyone has been telling you so.  Finally some kind of airline intervention occurred and she thins out her bag, it gets stowed properly, and she settles into her seat.  Then she says to me...

"Is this going to be a full flight?"  Yes, I replied.  The mere nature of the question should have been my hint that there was a 3rd act to this movie, and it was about to begin.  She starts taking out stuff from her shoulder bag, and spreading her folders out on the currently empty middle seat between us. 

Uh-huh! No joke.  I can't make this stuff up.  And I have proof in the form of another photo!  Heee-heee.  Bad Ken. Bad.

And I almost got busted.

Pause....And Dream With Me

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?  With the current state of technology and our ability to capture moments ANYTIME and ANYWHERE, carrying a cell phone with a camera is a dream for People Watchers like me.  While movies are playing out real-time before my eyes, my brain is weaving the story into something even more as I wonder what these people are thinking and how can I tell this story to others.  And then I decide that I need to capture the moment using my technology as proof to the wackiness!

And the key to doing this is not getting caught.  So while I was texting my wife about her spreading her folders out, I also tried to be sneaky and aim my IPhone camera to the left, while holding it waist high, and snap a photo.  And I did.  Only I didn't realize my camera flash was on, and it lit my my aisle and a few others around me with a bright flash.

Ooops!  BIG TIME OOPS!!!

Thankfully, she was kinda bending down in her seat, reaching into her bag (probably to pull out more stuff).  So I quickly turned my flash off .... and took another photo (hey, I came this far, why not see it through), as the first one wasn't aimed well.  Better success with second photo, which was quickly sent off as a text.  And edited to protect the contestant.  Bad Ken. Bad.

Now, there was more that she did on this flight that I won't go into, but she didn't make friends with the original flight attendant she ticked off.  In short, her drink and peanuts service wasn't as good as it could have been.  And since I was buckled in, I couldn't stand up to give one more standing ovation, she instead I gave the flight attendant a HIGH FIVE (in my mind) for standing her ground.  She doesn't get paid enough to put up with people like this.

Eventually during boarding the middle seat was taken by a guy around 25.  No problems there. 
I am a People Watcher on a plane. My quiet time to observe, think, relax, and observe some more.  Everything that happens on the plane is really out of my control, so I look forward to the pilots doing their thing and just taking me home. So I don't engage in too much plane conversation.

However, before takeoff, he turns to me and asks if I am from Colorado.  Yes, I replied.  His next question...

"Is it easy to get weed there?"

Oh boy, People Watching with dialogue???