Like this Waste Management message that arrived in my email earlier this week. Thanks to moving into a new home, I've landed on one of the most coveted distribution lists in the greater Colorado region.
There are great pairs in life. Peanut butter and jelly. Steak and potatoes. Bert and Ernie, The Cubs and world championships. And:
Love and Garbage
That's right. "Don't settle for less than you deserve." Get your sweetie a $25 gift card by renting a dumpster. I can hear it now in households across the country, "Honey, put your best shoes on, I'm gonna treat you to Hooters tonight, courtesy of Waste Management!"
Wait, it's a "virtual reward card". WTH? How is that used?
Pause...And Dream With Me
This is how it is going to go down in our house later tonight. "Happy Valentine's Day. You're the best, but spring is coming and something has gotta change. So I got you a box of chocolates, some sexy lingerie and a dumpster. You know, so when YOU clean the house tomorrow you don't need to worry about us running out of garbage bags. I'm thinking that this will make it easy for YOU to sort through YOUR crap, and by getting the X-Large dumpster, you won't need to think twice about whether I'm gonna hurt my back dragging your crap to the street. I'll even help point out what needs to go, as I've noticed you've had a little junk in the trunk lately."
Yes, as the email says "Valentine's Day is a great occasion to gather the things you love, and ditch the things you don't." Like your spouse. Waste Management is going to be responsible for more divorce filings beginning on February 15th than any company ever before.
I'm not going to fall for this marketing (marriage wrecking) ploy. I'm gonna play it smart and wait for the March "rent 2 dumpsters, get $50 in rewards" special. Then a real night on the town for my honey awaits: Hooters and a strip club. Classy? No....trashy! Thank you Waste Management.
Written by a very funny person!!
ReplyDelete